[KrLe]

Vrte kanibali malog Cigu na ražnju. Dođe poglavica i kaže:

“Koji vam je kurac? Zašto vrtite tako brzo, nije vam to propeler!”

Kaže jedan od okretača:

“Ma šefe, kad ga vrtimo sporije, sve nam krumpire pokrade…”

[KrLe]

Nisam siguran da li je smiješan, ljudi tvrde da je to vic pa onda:

Trči zeka kroz šumu i urla:

– “Pederi! Pederi!…”

Vidi to medo i upozorava ga:

– “Stani Zeko, nemoj tako, nije kulturno, ne viči toliko…”

Na to će zeka opet:

– “Pederi! Pederi!”

A medo:

– “Nemoj bre zeko, vidi kolicni si, a takve ružne reči od tebe. Pa još mleko imaš na usne, a tako vičeš …”

Zeko:

“Nije mleko!!! Pederi! Pederi!”

[KrLe]

Vrlo dobro

[KrLe]

Too lutko

[KrLe]

Rimtu imas jedno 40 sati za nadoknadit, oće biti dosta 3 dana? lol

[KrLe]

Kraj moje kuće je malo igralište jedno 40*25, manje od rukometnog igrališta, uglavnom je slobodno jer se djeca oko moje kuće drogiraju ili druže sa pokemonima… za moju kondiciju dimenzije igrališta su savršene…

ili da se pravimo fini pa igramo na plastičnoj travi?

[KrLe]

E ovo je ¾alba:

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint letter of the year…have a laugh and read on.

A real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept….)

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties – or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website….HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes – an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools – such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived… six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server’s downtime is roughly 35%… hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone

will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman…and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don’t care, it’s far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration’s in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That’s why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn’t anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

British Telecom – wankers though they are – shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver – any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit – they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day – may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

John

[KrLe]

Al ste ih zguzili, bravo

[KrLe]

Ma kuzim ja kako motor radi, ali ne kuzim kako se kretanje klipova od 20 stupnjeva ljevo desno pretvori u kruzno gibanje jer ne vidim kako su ti i isti klipovi povezani sa bilo cime.

[KrLe]

Little cini mi se ima ovu tastaturu, ali u zadnje vrijeme baš nema vremena, ne znam kada će ovo pročitati…

[KrLe]

LOL

[KrLe]

Meni je ovo bilo super smije¹no, nije ba¹ vic, ali je fora.

02.05.2006., utorak

In memoriam: Leonardo da Vinci

Na dana¹nji dan, godine, ¹to ja znam koje, umro je Leonardo da Vinci. U spomen na ovog izuzetnog lika ponovit æu prièu koju mi je isprièao Rocco Sifredi

Osmijeh

Atelje druga Leonarda da Vincija. Po podu le¾e razbacani æelavi kistovi. Dr¹ke su im izgri¾ene zbog nedostatka svje¾e noktovine. Na sredini zida stoji slika pionira Michelangela Buonarotija koji na glavi nosi francusku kapu na kojoj je majèinom rukom izvezena ogromna petokraka.

Leonardo stoji pokraj prozora, kopa nos i promatra djecu kako se mlate.

– Smrt Fa¹izmu – u prostoriju ulazi drugarica Maria, mlada skojevka i nosilac spomenice.

Drug Leonardo se naglo okrene. Veæ neko vrijeme pun je pozitivne energije. Nedavno je uvalio neke nacrte za padobran pa je pun para.

– Sloboda narodu, drugarice…?

– Maria, Maria Empatreze – ka¾e ona otvarajuæi usta tek toliko da proizvede glas.

– Drago mi je drugarice Maria. – Leonardo joj uhvati ruku i mu¹ki je protrese.

Drugarica Maria odasla tup izraz lica.

– Opustite se drugarice Maria, pa ne dr¾ite govor pred partijskim rukovodstvom. Ako vam je ne¹to smije¹no ili bi si dali odu¹ka zbog kojeèega, slobodno opru¾ite osmijeh. Zdravo je smijati se. Moj prijatelj, Erazmo Roterdamski, dobio je èir od smijanja iako mu je kuga pobila cijeli razred. Ali za¹to vas ja optereæujem sa svojim prijateljima? Sjednite na ovu stolicu.

Maria lagano pru¾i osmijeh ne otvarajuæi usta.

– Drugarice Maria, ja ne slikam tu¾ne portrete. Ajde, nasmijte se barem malo. Plizzz.

Maria razvuèe osmijeh skoro od uha do uha, ali jo¹ uvijek dr¾i usta zatvorena.

– Hm… – zami¹ljeno æe Leonardo – ovaj, mo¾ete li me povuæi za mali prst. Od slikanja dobivam grèeve i zato se trebam dobro razgibati.

Drugarica Maria oprezno uhvati Leonardov prst i lagano povuèe.

– Prrrrrrrr! – prostorijom odjekne sna¾na turbulencija metana. Leonardo je bez imalo srama i bez ikakva upozorenja ispustio neman.

Maria odjednom otvori usta i ra¹iri osmijeh kao da æe zagristi cijelu tablu oblatnih s èokoladom.

Po cijeloj se prostoriji ra¹iri mraèna zraka crnila njenih zubi. Jedinica karijesom satrana do pola, dvojke nema, a ostalo je nalik naplavljenom groblju.

Drug Leonardo ukoèen stane. Izraz njegova lica nalik je kravljem dreku u koji je sluèajno ugazio odbjegli cirkuski slon. Umjetnièka du¹a, ne vidjev¹i nikada ovako karijesom razoreno zubalo, nemalo se iznenadi.

– U ime oca i sina… – stane se kri¾ati, mlateæi pritom rukama kao da u ruci dr¾i magnet pozitivnog naboja dok mu je glava magnet, takoðer pozitivnog naboja, a onda shvati da su neka druga vremena.

Drugarica se Maria stane sve jaèe i glasnije rebetati. Njezin smijeh varira od magareæeg revanja, preko rodinog klepetanja, pa sve do konjskog nji¹tanja.

Leonardo ne mo¾e vi¹e slu¹ati to luðaèko kreveljenje. To ludilo izjeda mu mo¾danu ovojnicu. Dr¾i se objema rukama za glavu i s nevjericom hoda po prostoriju.

Maria se objema rukama dr¾i za trbuh i plaèe od smijeha.

Leonardo odjednom grabi ¹tafelaj i udara je po potiljku.

Drugarica Maria sru¹i se na pod i stane trzati objema nogama. Nakon nekoliko trenutaka propne se, proizvede vjetar i izdahne. Mrtva je.

Kad je drugi dan u atelje u¹la Mona Lisa, Leonardo ju je mrzovoljno poslao u kurac, ali je zbog straha prema Francescu Giocondi, njenom mu¾u i predsjedniku okru¾nog komiteta Firence, naslikao njezin portret.

Za razliku od Marije, Mona Lizi je neki kurac od poèetka bio smije¹an.

– Da bog da ti se isto tako na sprovodu smijali – ponavljao je u sebi Leonardo.

Inaèe, na ovo sam naletio praækajuæi se po bespuæima hrvatskog bloga, ne pitajte ni¹ta, autor Sisajed, uostalom kasno je… !opr019g7

[KrLe]

Ja ne znam igrat McKennu, pa se ne bih štel mešat… lol

[KrLe]

Dobro došao

[KrLe]

Meni je otprilike kao kod cronoa, čitaj neigrivo. A što planiraš učiniti? Inače, ja sam prijevio kvar T-comu, ali se na telefon javila mama koja im je rekla da nam je sa adslom sve ok, pa moram ponoviti postupak! lol

[Author]

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